Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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