U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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