oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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