I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
