i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize