if i can run in heels then i can drive
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
