it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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