we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize