I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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