Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
