Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
