This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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