Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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