I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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