just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So squirting runs in the family.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
