i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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