Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Randomize
