I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got chris browned last night
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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