Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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