why didn't you poke me back
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
