I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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