I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
