Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dicks are not precious.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
