why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
