Pappa wants mamma naked
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
