look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
