tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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