do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
