How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
