You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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