There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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