every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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