if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
