her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
