Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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