So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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