ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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