Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
