I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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