Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
