Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize