I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
