grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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