There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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