bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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