Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
