I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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