You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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