I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
