I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
