once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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