nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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