If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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