A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
