just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
