oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
