This dress was meant to end up on your floor
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
