at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
