That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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