Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
