for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
