Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Life is so much better after having sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
