the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How external is "for external use only"?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
