i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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