shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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