There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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