fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
