Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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