that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
