i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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