Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
