ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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