My cat gives me a boner
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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