It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
