Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
