Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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