You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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