You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
