yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
