he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
