I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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